So much in my heart...

Well, it is nearing midnight and although I am emotionally spent and exhausted, my heart is full beyond description. The kids are all in bed (all 3 of them :), the house is quiet, and I am alone in my thoughts and feelings of this weekend. And I'm trying to figure out a way to get into words what my heart is feeling. I feel like I did the day Kaiya was born -- so out of words and yet so full of emotion! Please indulge me while I try to recap some of the events that have filled this little heart of mine right up and spilled it over!

Thursday, we went to court. We got all dressed up in our suits and Kaiya got all dressed up in her smiles! For some reason, I felt this need to look all lawyer-ish, because, well, I've never gone to court before, and this was one court appearance that I wanted to be able to make a good impression on the judge! Kaiya seemed thrilled to be there; we were quite nervous. For what, I'm not really sure, but the butterflies were flapping like crazy! We met our absolute STUD of a lawyer, who had decided to handle things pro-bono for the simple reason that he has a special place in his heart for adoption. I'm guessing this was a regular occurance for him, considering how well he knew our case-worker and the judge, which I think merits him COMPLETE STUD status! We rose to honor the judge, our case-worker took the stand to testify of all the legal t's crossed and i's dotted, to which the judge approved. Then our lawyer asked us to testify of our experience in adopting Kaiya and the flood gates swung open! In mighty abundance! How does one cram in what the last six months have meant to us? So, I just cried instead and said the few words that I could get out of my mouth in between tears. Kaiya sat in my lap, oblivious to the emotion that she has come to stir in us on a regular basis, and banged her hand on the table like the judge with his gavel. How appropriate. Laughing and talking away, while my tears fell on her little head. She apparently wasn't intimidated at all by the Honorable Judge So-And-So! Then our lawyer asked Chris to describe his feelings That is when the flood gates fell off and were swept away! It took him about 3 minutes to even start his response because of the free-flowing tears. There was not a dry eye in the court room. Except for Kaiya, who continued to happily bang on the table and tell her stories! And then that STUD of a judge (I say that in the highest respect, because he truly was a STUD) pronounced legal custody to Chris and I of our sweet baby girl, giving us all legal rights as if she were born to us (I think the suits worked in our favor. And Kaiya's smiles as well). Then he came down and asked to hold that beautiful little girl who had competed with him in gavel-banging. He was sooo kind and full of compliments and congratulations for our little family. And we cried a little more as we were handed our adoption decree. Then we went and had strawberry waffles at IHOP with our sweet family who had joined us for the occasion! All that banging on the table must have worn our munchkin out, because she passed on the waffles and had a good, long nap. It was such a happy day! Saturday morning came. Again the butterflies were there, but this time flapping in excitement rather than nerves! We got our little Ya-ya up and dressed in her beautiful, white dress and most adorable shoes ever seen. We tried to plaster her cute white flower to her head, with little success, but even that couldn't dampen our mood! As we walked up to the temple, that cute girl was making heads turn in every direction. It's quite a thing, I guess, when all those faithful temple goers see a pretty little babe coming to the temple in her pretty, white dress to get sealed to her mom and dad. It seemed as if there were smiles coming from every direction. It was pretty special. Of course, the second we walked in the doors, the temple workers showered us with all their welcoming love. Even the man at the front desk teared up as he wished us a special day. I knew it was certainly going to be that! At each stop we made, people shared their own personal experiences with adoption and I realized what a universally special thing adoptoin is and how many people it touches. We left Kaiya in the nursery with my mom and went off to get dressed. We met with our sealer, who also happens to be my boss at work. Though he is the best boss ever, I liked him even more under these circumstances! We went into the sealing room to see the familiar faces of good friends and our families that we love so much. I wanted so badly to bottle up the love and spirit in that room to give to Kaiya so that she would always know what a special day it was for all of us. We were given such wonderful and spiritual words of counsel, while in the background I heard the faint sound of a crying babe. Yep, that was our girl! I resisted every urge to run out and comfort her, but knew she was in good hands with grandma. And her crying stopped. The counsel continued and then, a few minutes later, in walked my mom, holding Kaiya-bear. Her eyes were red and tired, but she glowed like an angel. She was fussy from being so tired, but did not seem scared or nervous about anything. We all went to the alter. She fussed some more until she found a beautiful light on the ceiling and then the familiar grin of grandpa in the witness chair. And then we were made a family for eternity and the tears came and the Spirit warmed and my heart was filled to its' brink once again. I looked at Chris accross the alter, being in this moment once again, as we had nearly six years before, and I was in love with him even more in that moment. I looked at Kaiya with her tired eyes, and tried to soak up every ounce of meaning that this moment presented to our family. It will take me a long while to really comprehend the depth of what that moment meant, but I was so thankful to be there. And I wiped my tears away with the hanky that we had embroidered Jessika's initials on. It was a perfect moment. About five seconds after we walked out of the sealing room, Kaiya was fast asleep. My mom commented that it was because she finally could rest peacefully knowing she had her eternal mom and dad. The sealing was done and she was content! It could not have been a more special or more perfect day!

(These pictures come come courtesy of Leah, who did the most AMAZING job capturing such special moments for our family to remember. We are sooo thankful for her sharing her talent with us! Thank you again so much, Leah! To see more of the pics, you can go here) And today filled up my heart all over again. I kept saying that I needed to drink 5 gallons of water to rehydrate myself from all the tears that had been shed! We again dressed up our girl in her pretty white dress and adorable shoes, and finally even got the flower to stay on her head! A true accomplishment on such a wonderful day! We gathered at the church, surrounded by our friends and family, and watched Jessika and her family walk in the doors. Through her tears, Jess came over and said hello to Kaiya and gave her this beautiful, tiny gold ring. The same ring her grandmother had given to her mother to give to Jess on her blessing day. The same ring that Kaiya will one day pass on to her daughter when she is blessed. It was such a special gesture and I was overwhelmed with love and gratitude that they had come to share this day with us and with Kaiya. Chris took Kaiya up, where she was surrounded by people who have loved and supported our family in every respect, where she quietly and curiously sat in their arms to be given her blessing from her dad. It was so beautiful and the perfect combination of Chris' heart and Heavenly Father's words. You'd be pressed to find a dad as head over heels for his little girl as Chris is, and his emotions so perfectly expressed that love during her blessing. Mom sat in her seat, once again in tears. Jess held Kaiya for awhile, while we shared our feelings in testimony. It was another perfect day. Afterwards our seemingly little home was filled wall to wall with the friends and family who have loved and supported us throughout this whole journey, and years before this journey ever began. I am exhausted in the most fulfilling and satisfying ways and will carry treasures of memories from the events of this weekend. I will also be getting started on Kaiya's special book so that she can have these priceless memories and treasure them throughout her life. I can't express my emotions in a way that would ever do justice to what is in my heart. There is such an abundance of love for my family, for our friends, for our sweet Jessika, for my Chris, and for the light of our lives, our Kaiya Michelle. I will kneel down tonight in humble gratitude for what my Heavenly Father has given to me and will go to sleep feeling thankful for my gifts and for the most perfect weekend I could have ever hoped for. And I also wanted to express my gratitude for the amazingly kind words of encouragement and support you all have left in your comments. They are so uplifting to me and are sooo appreciated. I look forward to coming back to the blog world after this busy weekend away! For now, it's off to bed because I certainly need the sleep!