Another journey!
Well, I feel like I'm getting ready to take the first steps in another journey so I want to make sure I record some of the experience while I'm going through it.
As I have mentioned before, about 2 years ago, right after Avery was born, I was diagnosed with Grave's disease. Thankfully, (and I sincerely am soooo thankful) it is nothing life threatening. But it has been life-affecting, that's for sure. The first year was pretty yucky. I experienced a lot of weird things that were incredibly frustrating and I felt totally helpless in doing anything about them. From muscle fatigue (not even being able to squat down and get myself back up or even pick up my kids), to depression and constant mood changes, to hair falling out, to total weakness, to weight loss, to heat intolerance and sickness and constant nausea...that's a fun list of things, right?! But then there was a point when I turned a corner and my body started responding really well to the medication I was on and I was able to return to feeling mostly really good, with just bad days sprinkled in here and there. What a relief this past year has been to feel somewhat normal again. I have been able to get back into a good exercise routine (something that my body and spirit and mind have all really missed) and have generally felt well most days. Most importantly, I feel like I have been able to get back to being the mom and wife I want to be, instead of the battle I felt almost every day to just meet everyone's basic needs before I crashed. That has been the hardest part of being sick. So, here I am now, feeling well, things under control, life feeling normal and good.
But this happy boat HAS to be rocked.
I have felt that we have another child to come to our family. I don't feel like we are complete just yet. And although that thought sometimes seems very overwhelming because I am really comfortable with my brood of 3 chicks, I want to give it the best shot I can to see what the Lord wants for our family. I have done a lot of research and have come to the conclusion that getting pregnant while on the medication to treat my Grave's is not a good idea. There are so many risks. It is POSSIBLE, yes, but risky. I have had to really look at the situation and determine that any risk of complication that can be reduced for a little life (should I be so lucky to even be able to get pregnant again) is all that really matters. Would my life be easier to just continue on the way things are right now? YES! My meds are working really well. But it's not a long-term solution and it's not worth any risk to a baby just to keep my world spinning happily. And to be honest, when I looked at this decision as the mom in me fighting for one more little life in our family, the decision became very easy and there really wasn't any decision at all. I am so happy to do this for the shot at having another baby!
So, I will be ditching the safety and comfort of my medication and the good health I've been experiencing for the past year to have a total thyroidectomy on Friday. This decision has not come without a lot of fasting and prayer and worry and stress. But I finally feel ok about it and have decided to have faith instead of fear. I'm terrified of the whole thing. I mean, really, who wants to have any kind of surgery? There's nothing exactly exciting about that. And who wants to deal with the pain and inconvenience of recovery? Still not very exciting. And who is really comfortable about having your neck cut open?! Except that I get to have the joke that I am getting my throat slit and I am going to survive it! (Chris thinks that is so totally morbid to even say, but it's kinda fun that I get to say it!) For me, though, the scariest part about it is what happens after surgery. There is potential for walking right back into the yucky stuff I had to deal with when I was first diagnosed. Because my thyroid will be completely gone, I will have to be on medication for the rest of my life that replaces those natural hormones. And until my doctor can find just the right dosage of that medication, there is a period of time of constant tweaking and testing and adjusting. During that time, there are lots of things that can happen as your body tries to get used to that missing organ! And those are the things that I am most worried about. I've already spent a year feeling like crap and I feel like I'm headed right back there. The potential problems are weight gain, exhaustion, being tired all the time, hair loss, depression, etc. Worst of all to me, is going back to not being able to be the best mom and wife I can be. Not having the energy or the emotional strength to do all that I want to do for the ones I love the most. Having to need help and even asking for it. Those are very, very hard things for me to face, especially since I have been there once and it was horrible. I never knew how much your thyroid does, how much it regulates and controls. And you never think twice about it unless it's not working or gone altogether. So, this is what I mean by rocking my happy boat. I have no idea what to expect, or how my body will react to the surgery. I know there will be things that I have to go through that I will not be able to control and I hate that!
But in the end, if we are able to have another baby, this whole journey will be worth it. I feel like I've already ran half the race, now it's time to finish the second half. And at the end, maybe, just maybe, there will be a little life that I get to help create. I want to give it a strong, healthy place to make its' start. Keep the eye on the prize, right?!
It's so interesting for me to look at the special experiences that I have had with each one of my children. First, there was the beautiful, but hard fight to get precious Kaiya here to our family through adoption. Then there was the 6 year wait for that unexpected pregnancy that was our little sunshine, Taylor. And then the relief that adorable Avery was able to make it here, but the complication that that pregnancy caused in triggering my Grave's disease. Now, the final little hurdle for one more sweet baby! What is in store? I don't know! But I'm so grateful for the experiences that I have had so far to create this family that I have. Each one, sooooo precious and special and treasured. And if we are able to add one more, then EVERYTHING will be worth it. It has ALWAYS been worth it!
So, fingers crossed and lots of prayers heading north that all goes well on Friday up in Logan and that we will quickly be able to get on the road that will lead us to hopefully really exciting things in the future!
As I have mentioned before, about 2 years ago, right after Avery was born, I was diagnosed with Grave's disease. Thankfully, (and I sincerely am soooo thankful) it is nothing life threatening. But it has been life-affecting, that's for sure. The first year was pretty yucky. I experienced a lot of weird things that were incredibly frustrating and I felt totally helpless in doing anything about them. From muscle fatigue (not even being able to squat down and get myself back up or even pick up my kids), to depression and constant mood changes, to hair falling out, to total weakness, to weight loss, to heat intolerance and sickness and constant nausea...that's a fun list of things, right?! But then there was a point when I turned a corner and my body started responding really well to the medication I was on and I was able to return to feeling mostly really good, with just bad days sprinkled in here and there. What a relief this past year has been to feel somewhat normal again. I have been able to get back into a good exercise routine (something that my body and spirit and mind have all really missed) and have generally felt well most days. Most importantly, I feel like I have been able to get back to being the mom and wife I want to be, instead of the battle I felt almost every day to just meet everyone's basic needs before I crashed. That has been the hardest part of being sick. So, here I am now, feeling well, things under control, life feeling normal and good.
But this happy boat HAS to be rocked.
I have felt that we have another child to come to our family. I don't feel like we are complete just yet. And although that thought sometimes seems very overwhelming because I am really comfortable with my brood of 3 chicks, I want to give it the best shot I can to see what the Lord wants for our family. I have done a lot of research and have come to the conclusion that getting pregnant while on the medication to treat my Grave's is not a good idea. There are so many risks. It is POSSIBLE, yes, but risky. I have had to really look at the situation and determine that any risk of complication that can be reduced for a little life (should I be so lucky to even be able to get pregnant again) is all that really matters. Would my life be easier to just continue on the way things are right now? YES! My meds are working really well. But it's not a long-term solution and it's not worth any risk to a baby just to keep my world spinning happily. And to be honest, when I looked at this decision as the mom in me fighting for one more little life in our family, the decision became very easy and there really wasn't any decision at all. I am so happy to do this for the shot at having another baby!
So, I will be ditching the safety and comfort of my medication and the good health I've been experiencing for the past year to have a total thyroidectomy on Friday. This decision has not come without a lot of fasting and prayer and worry and stress. But I finally feel ok about it and have decided to have faith instead of fear. I'm terrified of the whole thing. I mean, really, who wants to have any kind of surgery? There's nothing exactly exciting about that. And who wants to deal with the pain and inconvenience of recovery? Still not very exciting. And who is really comfortable about having your neck cut open?! Except that I get to have the joke that I am getting my throat slit and I am going to survive it! (Chris thinks that is so totally morbid to even say, but it's kinda fun that I get to say it!) For me, though, the scariest part about it is what happens after surgery. There is potential for walking right back into the yucky stuff I had to deal with when I was first diagnosed. Because my thyroid will be completely gone, I will have to be on medication for the rest of my life that replaces those natural hormones. And until my doctor can find just the right dosage of that medication, there is a period of time of constant tweaking and testing and adjusting. During that time, there are lots of things that can happen as your body tries to get used to that missing organ! And those are the things that I am most worried about. I've already spent a year feeling like crap and I feel like I'm headed right back there. The potential problems are weight gain, exhaustion, being tired all the time, hair loss, depression, etc. Worst of all to me, is going back to not being able to be the best mom and wife I can be. Not having the energy or the emotional strength to do all that I want to do for the ones I love the most. Having to need help and even asking for it. Those are very, very hard things for me to face, especially since I have been there once and it was horrible. I never knew how much your thyroid does, how much it regulates and controls. And you never think twice about it unless it's not working or gone altogether. So, this is what I mean by rocking my happy boat. I have no idea what to expect, or how my body will react to the surgery. I know there will be things that I have to go through that I will not be able to control and I hate that!
But in the end, if we are able to have another baby, this whole journey will be worth it. I feel like I've already ran half the race, now it's time to finish the second half. And at the end, maybe, just maybe, there will be a little life that I get to help create. I want to give it a strong, healthy place to make its' start. Keep the eye on the prize, right?!
It's so interesting for me to look at the special experiences that I have had with each one of my children. First, there was the beautiful, but hard fight to get precious Kaiya here to our family through adoption. Then there was the 6 year wait for that unexpected pregnancy that was our little sunshine, Taylor. And then the relief that adorable Avery was able to make it here, but the complication that that pregnancy caused in triggering my Grave's disease. Now, the final little hurdle for one more sweet baby! What is in store? I don't know! But I'm so grateful for the experiences that I have had so far to create this family that I have. Each one, sooooo precious and special and treasured. And if we are able to add one more, then EVERYTHING will be worth it. It has ALWAYS been worth it!
So, fingers crossed and lots of prayers heading north that all goes well on Friday up in Logan and that we will quickly be able to get on the road that will lead us to hopefully really exciting things in the future!
posted by Chris Grover at 10:47 AM
4 Comments:
You are definitely in the Winwards prayers and we send you all the love we have throughout the whole process. I admire your strength and faith. I love you!
I'll be praying for you Karli! Here's to hoping that all goes well with the surgery and that a new little one will get to enter your amazing family! I love you and miss you!
Praying for you... All will be well.
How did your surgery go? I hope that you are well and that you felt ok for your Dad's party. I was in town and so wish I could have been there, but we had tickets to the Hale Theater for a play.
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