Baby Thoughts
Well, don't think for one minute that just because I'm posting baby thoughts today, that this is a random subject for me to think about. Really, I have to refrain from posting baby thoughts every 5 minutes, because that's usually how often I am thinking them!
For most of you readers, this is something that has become habit for you, almost to the point that you don't even realize how often you think baby thoughts (or kid thoughts, for those with older children). But think back, if you will, to the time when you were expecting, or making plans for your very first child. Do you remember the kinds of thoughts you had? Do you remember the countless moments you spent wondering, waiting, wishing, worrying?
Well, here are a few of mine. I have been interested at how uninterested I have become in so many things, due to my baby thoughts. Work is still fun and something that I love to do, but often I find myself feeling like there are more important things I could be doing or thinking about -- like getting ready for baby! T.v. is not quite as entertaining, because I would usually rather be reading a good baby book or letting ideas spin around in my head of what else I would like to do to her room. I have probably made and remade lists about 100 times of what I need, what I already have, what I don't know that I will need, but really will need, and what I won't need that I think that I have to have.
How is Jessika feeling today? Is Kaiya kicking her a lot? What will Kaiya look like when I see her for the first time? What does her life hold in store for her? What on earth makes me think that I could ever be a mother to someone so important and precious as I know she will be? All my insecurities and inadequecies -- can I really do this? And do it in a way that Kaiya deserves? I think I can...I hope I can! But I know there will be days where I don't think I can, but will try anyway.
And what about this adoption process? I've had people who are so curious about it. Constant questions. People who I know have a lot of concerns and worries. People who don't understand, but have been oh so supportive. And people who I KNOW and FEEL when I talk to them, are more excited and thrilled for us than they have ever been about anything else that has ever happened to us. And I am thankful for them and for every word of support they have given us. I'm thankful for the ones who question as well, because I know that just means that they care.
And I think about Jessika so much. What she must be feeling and thinking and experiencing. And how happy I am to know such a special person and that I have had the wonderful blessing of getting to know her well and spending time with her and her family, so that when Kaiya wants to know about her, I will have so much to tell her. And she will love her birth mom.
What will I fill up our days with? What will I do when Chase swallows her binki? Or chews on HER teething toys? Or barks when she's trying to sleep? And how cute it will be when he curls up next to her to protect her from who knows what. Or licks her because she smells of that adorable new baby smell. Or when she turns two and wants to ride him like a horse!
What will it feel like to finally see a baby in Chris' arms? In my arms? To go to play dates with my friends and their kids? Will Kaiya want to swim? Or dance? Or play baseball? Will she ever really understand how much she is loved?
There are some baby thoughts today. I hope it reminded you of your baby thoughts, even if it has been awhile since your first one came along. Think about how often thoughts come into your mind about your babies, old or young, and today we share those thoughts together!
posted by Chris Grover at 2:44 PM
17 Comments:
Karli,
Oh, how nice it is to be able to think baby thoughts. Don't worry you will be such caring, thoughtful, loving mother. Enjoy these moments of wonder and if's. When Kaiya comes you won't have time for these thoughts.
I read this blog with tears in my eyes the whole time remembering feeling very similiar thoughts. I will share mine about the dog. We had 2 dogs before our first baby came and they were our babies and we still miss them to this day. But, when we brought our baby home and my hubby took her out to meet the dogs, I was so upset thinking that he would put something that slobbery next to my perfect angel child! Ha, ha! Our dogs were wonderful with the baby and yes, she did ride them when she was 2! What wonderful things to look forward to! You will be a fantastic mom! Jill
Amen Karli to the Adoption process! Unless you are personaly invloved it is hard to even grasp a portion of it!! It still all blows my mind that someone would take a child that "isn't" theirs. I have had to come to the conclusion that these babies are just taking a detour and that they are meant to be where they are placed. My placement mom's sister told me that adoption is just a way for your family to grow and to feel more love for more people! It's true. I just feel like my family has grown! It is hard to have so much inside and want to share it with everyone since it is all so amazing but hard to since it is so special and you don't want your emotions or the experience to be tainted so to speak. It's almost like the "casting your pearls before swine" thing! I think about Marium and Cali all the time!!! I get all that you said!! =)
Thank you for this post. It brought back a lot of memories that I hadn't thought about in a long time. Now that Adelaide is here, I take a lot of things for granted. She wears me out and I get tired of her nearly two year old, I know what I want and I don't care what you think attitude sometimes. She has such a strong personality. Yet, I love her to death and she has been such a blessing. I can't even imagine my life without her now. It's like she's always been here. I'm sure that's how it will be for you. Kids are amazing and they help you learn so many things about yourself. It's nice to be reminded about all of the excitement, anxieties, and hopes that come along with a new baby. It is so exciting and I need to remember those things more often!
Thank you for your thoughts, Karli.
You're going to be a fantastic mother. Not only because of the type of person that you are, but because of the trials that you had to go through to get your precious little, Kaiya. You're a strong girl and you deserve all of this happiness.
Once you hold her for the first time, all those mom instincts will kick right in! (Actually, it took me a couple of times to hold Lucas, but that's beside the point!:) You are going to make a great mommy to Kaiya and she is going to be well loved! The baby thoughts are all part of the process...isn't it grand??!! Do you have a car seat to bring her home in?? If so...you are way a head of Jed and I and our first!
Love ya~!
Ohhh I want baby thoughts! Baby thoughts are probably a very entertaining blessing.
I remember the constant baby thoughts! What a fun time! All I have to say is cherish every part of your child's life. It's good that you are writing them down because I really wish I would have been better about writing what I was feeling at the time. But really, cherish every thought and moment because boy oh boy do they grow up fast! I know I say this every chance I get but I really am so excited for you guys! How fun!
thanks for the trip down memory lane and boy do those first baby thoughts feel like so long ago. I guess they kind of are since Ame is almost 5!! You are going to be the best mommy, that is so obvious just from hearing your thought process. I am soo excited for you Kar
Love ya
You don't know me (found you through a friend of a friends, and so on, blog), but we have something in common...adoption. My husband and I are approved and on the waiting list (for a about 4 months with LDSFS) and trying to wait patiently. I am so excited for you and this time in your life. I hope you don't mind me checking your blog frequently to watch your family grow in such a wonderful way. I cant wait to have my own baby thoughts, and hopefully someday very soon.
Karli,
Your post made me think of the wonderful blessings I have in my life. Thank you for reminding me of those sweetest memories of the beginning. Even though Colby and Katie are getting older, I still question myself as a mother. I still have some of the same questions and fears I had years ago. I've learned that you just learn as you go. I'm so excited for this time in your life and just know that when you hold your little girl in your arms, you'll have a connection-a deep connection...almost as if she can read your mind. And she'll look back at you with eyes that seem to already understand how your feeling. It'll be as if she's telling you, "I love you and know that you'll do your best to take care of me."
I think about you often and just love you to pieces.
Wow! I know exactly how you are feeling, with the fear and excitement part of becoming a Mother. But don't worry is all just seems to work out for each of the way the it should. You are going to be a great mother, Kaiya is so blessed!
Your blog brought tears to my eyes. I thought back to the time when I was pregnant with Lauren and that excitement and nervousness I felt especially through the last days of my pregnacy. I had waited so long for her and I really felt I was on cloud nine. I totallly get your post .Thanks for bringing back those sweet memories and I can tell you that even though I've never met you how much I love to read about your beautiful journey. I can't wait to read that magical post when you share about the day you get to hold your beautiful daugter. You are going to be a great mom!!!
As always, your post was so beautifully written. What a wonderful journal piece for Kaiya to truly understand your feelings someday. I, too, appreciate you helping me re-live the anticipation of it all....at times it can all feel so "was life ever NOT like this? (with kids)". I guess I would tell you that, in my opinion, its sort of like if you think back to when you first got married. You're obsessed with "what will it be like?" and it's all so new. It's new, but quickly you think "was it ever NOT like this?". And over time, here and there, you get glimpses of what life would be like WITHOUT your husband and it brings tears to your eyes and a new appreciation for him...thank goodness this happens again and again for us to remember how thankful we are. I guess THAT is how it feels to be a mom. Fairly quickly, you will get into a rhythm that will make you wonder if life really existed BEFORE Kaiya!! It will feel so natural and on a daily basis filled with love and noise and dirt and crying and laughing....you get the picture. But here and there will be flashes that will bring back the EXACT feelings you are feeling right now that will make you stop and think how grateful you are and how you wouldn't trade it for a million dollars!! I am SO excited for you! This is QUITE the anticipated baby for us all!!!
Love, Jamie (sorry for the book, you know me)
Karli,
Your life is about to change in a million ways- once you have a baby your life is never the same (in a good way!) It's so obvious just from the thoughts you share that you and Chris are going to be fantastic parents. It always amazes me how often people say to us how lucky our girls are to have us (they were adopted from Russia) I always tell them it's the other way around. God knows which children belong with which parents and the blessings just abound.
There are difficult times but the great days far outweigh the struggles!! You'll be a great mom!
It is so heart warming to finally hear you speaking, thinking and feeling "baby thoughts". I cherish our conversations as you begin your journey down the most rewarding path of motherhood, and what a loving, warm and sensitive mother you already are. How blessed I feel to share this bond Karli.
I don't have any children, but my husband and I are anxiously awaiting the day when we get to be parents too, we have a plan and we just are waiting for time to go by... but anyway, your baby thoughts are special to me because I am constantly thinking them also. Matt and I can't wait to be parents, and it is often on my mind like you described. I can't wait for those quiet moments when everything is still new and I can just look at my baby and be in awe of what a miracle he/she is! I can't wait to hear more about your new little one!
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