Borrowing someone else's thoughts

I don't talk too much about the things that Chris and I are going through as we struggle to have children because the feelings are usually too personal and too hard to describe. But I have found a few things written by others that, for me, seem to express in a very real way, the kinds of feelings and emotions and thoughts we have experienced in the past three years. I hope it doesn't seem too depressing or sad, because I promise we are optimistic and blessed in so many other ways. Sometimes someone else can say something and it seems to say just what you are trying to express! Hopefully someday this will all just have to be a memory for us!

A Talk With My Unborn Child

a poem by Amy Borens

These arms of mine are still empty, it's been far too many years.

I can hardly keep them hidden, the heartache and the tears.

I am waiting for you, sweet angel, to bless my life, my heart, my soul.

I think I've been a good wife, now I want so much a mother's role.

My life doesn't seem complete, you are not there to hold.

A big piece of my life is missing, your destiny is yet untold.

I see you in my dreams, baby, ten little fingers and toes.

You have your Mommy's blue eyes, and your Daddy's ears and nose.

When my eyes are closed I think, will your room be pink or blue?

And how much of my life will pass before all my dreams come true?

Will I ever know the joy of rocking you at night?

Telling bedtime stories and tucking you in tight?

Will I ever be able to comfort you when you fall and scrape your knee?

To kiss and make it better at the tender age of three?

Can I watch you graduate and drive you to the mall?

Your dad could take you fishing and teach you to play ball.

Will you make me a gradma when I am old and gray?

Looking back at my life, I would be blessed in every way.

So why have I been left behind when I have so much to give?

I would gladly show you the whole world if you could only come to live.

Will my turn ever come? I search my anguished mind.

But questions without answers is all I seem to find.

I go home every night and fight the tightness in my chest.

The silence is so deafening in my little empty nest.

I know God has a plan for me and I shouldn't have such fear.

But why you can't be in my life He hasn't made quite clear.

I pray for you little one, everyday, can you hear?

So tell God we are ready to hold you forever dear.

You would never go without, we would shower you with love.

My little piece of heaven sent from up above.

My Someday Baby

by Dawn Champion

I wait, and I wait, and I wait, and I wait.

The slow horse still wanting out of the gate.

Hoping you'll begin before it's too late.

Where are you? My someday baby.

Each night I pray a prayer for you.

It is a prayer for daddy and me too.

I pray that I will someday feel you,

My kicking someday baby.

Every day I see children everywhere around.

I long to hear your laughing, cooing sound.

Your fingers around my one tightly wound,

My happy someday baby.

How will you smile? What color your eyes?

How will you like your birthday surprise?

Will you come to mommy to comfort your cries?

Wondrous you, my someday baby.

I touch terry sleepers, and booties so small,

And wonder how much longer my heart can bear all.

Hoping and wishing through all of these falls,

To spoil my someday baby.

How I long to rock you to sleep,

And to rub your head until you dream deep.

To watch you roll over and sit and then creep,

My sweet little someday baby.

The things others think are a pain, you see,

Sound like a piece of heaven to me.

To be awakened by something other than dreams,

My pleasure, my someday baby.

I don't know when you'll see this, or if you'll know

How much my heart dreamed of you, prayed for you so.

To feel you, and watch you and help you to grow,

My love, my someday baby.

I do hope and I pray, and sneak cries through the day,

With hope daddy and I will have you "someday."

That sooner rather than later you can hear me say,

"With love I welcome you", my someday baby.