Borrowed blessings...

I'm always so nervous to do blog posts like this one, I don't know why. Anyway...






Do you ever have times in your life where you think you just shouldn't be so blessed? Like someone has let you borrow some of their blessings? I have VERY MUCH been feeling that way in the past few months!

Funny how THIS continues to shock and surprise the heck out of us each time it happens...Yep, it's true, we are expecting again! We are about 10 weeks along, due February 10th.

And don't worry, we again took a lot of tests to be really sure. All positive.As much as the statistics say that if you are able to get pregnant once, your chances increase a lot for another pregnancy, it was still unbelievable for us. I think when you wait sooo long for such a thing to happen, you never really recover from it and the expectation of it becoming easier never really solidifies. Sure, you hope. Sure, you would like to be one of the people with one of those stories. But you really never get over the insecurity of being able to get pregnant. Truth be told, even though this probably seems quite fast to most of you, we actually tried for about 9 months with this one. I never have been able to feel OK about being on any sort of birth control, because of our history, so we've been trying since Tay was about 4 months old. Don't get me wrong, we didn't want to get pregnant THAT quickly. But the fear of it taking a long time again kept us from preventing. As always, Heavenly Father has given us the time we needed to adjust to two, but allowed us to also avoid the long wait that we had with the other girls. He is so good to us. We feel blessed beyond what we deserve. Whoever it is that is loaning us their blessings...thanks!

The test was shocking, really, really shocking. Chris was there this time for it and he is the one that got to see the lines first. He asked me 5 seconds into the test, "ok, now what is it supposed to look like for positive or negative?" Me:"Two lines for positive, honey, but you have to wait a few minutes for it to show up." Chris:"Uh, well, it's positive, and I'm pretty sure one of the lines ISN'T going to disappear!" Me:"What?! WAIT, WHAT? Let me see. Nooooo way! Are you kidding me?! (and on and on and on)" And then I bawled, like hysterically. (this is evidence of the not so cute, full-on, red-eye, red-face crying -- not a pretty sight!) And Chris asks me nervously, "Are those happy tears?" And to be honest, I wasn't sure what kind of tears they were! I just told him that I was really overwhelmed, combined with some hormones in there, but just really overwhelmed! And I was. I was overwhelmed with shock. I was overwhelmed with joy. I was overwhelmed with relief that it had happened again. I was overwhelmed with the 'are we really ready for this?' thoughts. But after a few minutes of processing everything, I realized that I was just in total wonder over the whole thing. Kinda like a deer in headlights, really. Like all I could think about was that I was actually pregnant again. Because it was still so unexpected for me, it was just total amazement. It took me a good few weeks to feel "normal" about the whole thing!

A really fun part about this pregnancy was that my parents were actually home this time for us to tell them (with Tay, they were clear in India and we had to tell them over Skype). So, I made a cute little T-shirt that said "Hug Baby #3 Here" with a big arrow pointing to my belly. My parents were wondering why I walked into their house with my purse hugged tightly to my chest. Then I unveiled the news. It was so fun!! They were shocked and it was a great way to include them in the fun! This pregnancy has been a lot tougher on me. A LOT. The sickness has been 10 times harder than it was with Tay. The worst at night, but especially bad during weeks 8-10. I've lost over 10 lbs. so far, which my doctor is not thrilled about, but I just can't eat more than about 2 bites of anything, even when it sounded edible 5 seconds earlier. I've been crazy tired and kind-of feel like life has been a blur over the last several weeks. I'm living, but not really IN life, you know? I have such a new appreciation for women who visit death during pregnancy. It has felt kinda like that for me! The kids have been soooo patient and good. Chris has been a SAINT, an absolute life-saver, stepping in constantly and taking over so I can get through it. One day, I will have to find a way to thank him -- he is truly an amazingly wonderful husband. I couldn't do it without him. I'm expecting and hoping to feel better now starting into the second trimester. Fingers crossed!

I met our doctor for the first time earlier this week and can gratefully say, I LOVE him. I don't think I could have a better guy in charge. He's running a close race with the doctor I had with Taylor -- what luck to have TWO great doctors! We nervously waited for that familiar fast, strong heart beating and it always is the sweetest sound in all the world! And we got to see our beautiful, little peanut as well. Big head (like they always have at this point), tiny little body, and even a little tail of a leg we were able to see! And that little cutie pie, can you believe, even moved for us during his/her big debut! It was pretty dang cute!! Everything was just as perfect as we could ever hope for. It is the most amazing thing to me to think that that little inch long person inside me has a beating heart, a life, and it's all happening inside of me. And also unbelievable that an inch long human being could make a person do dang sick!! The whole thing is beyond comprehension. But truly the most beautiful, amazing gift that God has ever given. Life. It never ceases to amaze me!

So, here we are. We will have three kids under the age of 3. It will be craziness. It will be hard for sure (especially as my parents may be leaving on another mission right about the same time). There will be deer-in-headlights moments. But above all else, it will be perfect. It will be just the way the Lord has planned it for our family. We have learned to trust in that in a way that I am so grateful for. If He knew it was time to send us another little life, He will help us through it! And I really am beyond thrilled. Feeling like the luckiest darn girl in the world!! Ever aware that just a few years ago, I was that person with unexplained infertility, one of many who have been poked and prodded only to be told our chances to conceive were about 0-5%. And now we are on our second pregnancy. Doesn't seem possible, right?! But it is and with God, ALL things are possible!! I still don't know why we have been given such gifts, but I will never stop being grateful. Grateful for our first life, given unselfishly through another person when we couldn't give that life ourselves. Grateful for our second life, who showed us that miracles are alive and that the Lord hears prayers. Grateful for this third life that we feel undeserving of, surprised by, and soooo excited for. Our family grows, our lives are constantly changing, and it is beautiful to see the hand of the Lord through it all!

Thanks to those who have known our little secret and been so supportive.

And here we go...off on another adventure!!!