"Waiting...waiting on the world to change!"

Well, I always hesitate to post too much about the adoption process, because even though I am consumed with it daily, I realize that there's not a lot to say, until the big stuff happens! But here are some thoughts and developments in the last month or so. The waiting (and waiting and waiting and waiting) is getting really old, and our profile isn't even finished yet! I'm in big trouble once it does go public, because I don't know how I will possibly be able to bear that wait! Let's hope it's not a long one!
We have been working hard on all our paperwork and have that part all done for the most part. We each had to do this huge, somewhat intrusive questionnaire, which we completed over Christmas. That part was a little difficult because you have to share such personal information and feelings about yourself and your spouse that you would really only share with your closest friends and family. But at the same time, it was kind-of liberating because I honestly felt kinda like I was sitting in a room with our birth parents, telling them all about myself, with my fingers crossed that they would choose us! I felt so protective of my answers, so concerned about what I was writing, and so careful about what I shared because I know who is going to be seeing this. In my head, I can see this picture so vividly -- a birth mom thumbing through the profiles with her heavy and worried heart, carrying a burden that most people can never and will never have to understand. And something prompts her to stop on ours, so she stops and she reads, and she looks at our pictures, and she feels something that draws her to us. So she takes our profile home, and she looks at it some more, and she re-reads our story, and in her heart, the Spirit tells her that we are the ones! And although her heart is breaking, she feels peace, because she has found someone who will love her baby as much as she does at that moment, though they have never met him/her. And that image in my head made those questions that we answered sooooo important to me! Talk about good motivation.

Anyway, I'm antsy! Soooo antsy! I feel like we are at a bit of a stand-still because we can't really move forward until our background checks are returned and cleared. That takes at least two months, and it has only been about a month and a week since ours were sent in. Ughhh! In the meantime, we will be working on writing a letter that will be given to birth parents who look at us (which I am sooo excited to write because of the strong emotions and love I already feel for those special girls who are making such a HUGE sacrifice) and our picture profile. We also have our individual interviews scheduled for next week. This will be the first time we will meet our case-worker. We have only had email correspondence with her so far, which has been a bit disappointing for me. I guess I had the expectation that she would be VERY involved and up to this point, she still feels like a distant stranger. But hopefully that will change when we finally meet her. I just worry because she holds a lot of all of this in her hands (writing our profiles, sharing us with birth moms, etc.) and I want her to really know us so that she can represent us in the best way. Maybe it's my naivity in doing this for the first time to have such expectations. So, after the interviews and the background checks are cleared, the only thing left is our home visit and then the profile will start to circulate!! I wish that was tomorrow! At least then we would know that we are in the running! We will also be creating a profile that will be available online at LDS Family Services website. I will be sure to share the link when it is up and running so you all can weigh in on what you think.

So, for now, the waiting game continues! I knew it was going to be a long process, and have tried to go into this with no time expectations, but honestly, how do you not get anxious?! I am so antsy for things to move forward and yet there's just not a whole lot we can do to make it move quicker! I need a prescription for patience pills, I think! Thanks for all the emails and messages of thought and interest and concern for us. We value our friends and family so much for the support they have given to us through this whole process! More updates to come...