Remembering

Tonight, I was laying in bed and flipped on the t.v. I arrived on MTV, and though I think there is nothing but CRAP on that channel, I was drawn into a program called "16 and Pregnant". I had seen previews of this show, which documents young girls who find themselves young and pregnant and facing decisions and lives that are very difficult. However, I have been very disappointed in the previews I have seen because adoption was never mentioned as an option that any of these girls were considering. I thought, they should AT LEAST present a story where that option was examined. I'm not on my soapbox saying that this is what all young girls should do. Obviously it is an incredibly personal decision as it should be. But I DO think that adoption should a consideration when all the options are out on the table.

Anyway, this particular episode drew me in because the young teenage couple WAS considering adoption. So, I watched as it documented their thoughts, feelings, and finally their decision to place their baby for adoption. It showed them meeting with their case worker. It showed their first meeting with the couple they had chosen. It showed MANY tears shed by that young girl and her young boyfriend as they faced the emotions attached to a decision of such enormous magnitude. It showed the reactions of their parents -- NOT supportive ones, I might add. And it showed the day the baby was born, the first moments of both the birth couple and the adoptive couple with this sweet baby girl. It showed the placement and heart-wrenching tears shed by this young girl. It was pretty real and pretty raw and I found myself lying there in bed bawling through the whole thing. The thoughts and feelings and emotions of our own experience rose to the surface, where they are never very far from, and I felt as if I was right back in the thick of it all. It feels a little unreal that that was all just two short years ago for us. But as I watched this young couple, wise beyond their years in making such a difficult decision, I couldn't help but think of our sweet, sweet Jessika. I remember tears we shared together in the days and months leading up to Kaiya's birth. And I painfully and yet happily remember the days of Kaiya's birth and the moments of TEARFUL goodbye's between all of us, as we prepared to take Kaiya home from the hospital. I have to admit that my stomach almost automatically starts to wrench when I think about how difficult that day was for Jessika. I can't help but cry when I think about it. Words will NEVER be able to express the respect, love, admiration and amazement I feel when I think about what Jessika did as such a young girl.

I was grateful that although it was only one episode, that MTV decided to present a story of adoption. Though I know this is not the right decision for every young girl who finds herself in this type of situation, there should be a lot more advocating of this as an option and I'm glad it was presented. And I am soooo grateful for the moments I had tonight of remembering. I never, ever will or want to forget the sacrifices made so that we could have our little Ya-ya and the pain and heartache that Jessika and her family had to go through to give us such a priceless gift. I REMEMBER. And I love Jessika so much. How eternally grateful I am for the blessings of adoption.