I've hit a bump...
It's a small bump. And I really hate complaining because in comparison to the struggles that other people have, I know my life is blessed beyond measure. But I have hit a little bump. I really try to be an optimistic person, though don't always succeed, and when things get a little hard, I can usually put on a smile (maybe a half smile sometimes) and trudge on through it. But lately it kinda feels like my feet are stuck in the mud. You know the feeling? I am, for the most part, adjusted and settled into the big changes in our lives over the last few months. But in all honesty, I'm lonely! I miss my friends so much! I miss my lunch dates with girlfriends or staying up late talking and hanging out. I miss being able to stop by or have them stop by whenever we wanted, without the planning. I haven't really met anyone here yet or made any great connections. I realize that we haven't been here that long and that friendships just don't happen overnight (although I've been blessed to have a few in my life that literally did happen that quickly). And that it is just as much my fault as anyone else's that I haven't really made new friends here. But there are times when you just kinda want to be reached out to, instead of doing the reaching, ya know? And though I am finding my way around and thinking of things to do, I wish I had my close buddies to do them with! There are lots of good things about our move. I have become so much closer to my sister-in-law and have sooo enjoyed getting to know her a lot better. We do a lot together and I love that. And my sister lives so much closer, which is also really nice! So, being closer to family is a definite plus, plus, plus. But there is something special about friends too. And you realize how much they mean to you when you can't see them as often. Gosh, my friendships are so important to me! I know I will eventually meet people here, but sometimes it's easy to feel like it just won't be the same and wonder how you will make any friends as good as the ones you've had! I was talking with my sweet hubby tonight, feeling dumpy and dumping on him, (feeling really thankful that he is always so willing to listen) and I also realized another thing that has been bothering me a bit. Linked to my lonliness is transitioning to life without a full-time job. I know this is a very common feeling for mom's. That feeling of wanting/needing some adult conversation throughout the day (and no, I'm not just talking about listening to Oprah talk -- that does not constitute conversation), especially when your days used to be spent talking to people all day long -- that's what college advisors do, you know? Missing talking to my friends at work every day and being intertwined in their lives. Though I would not trade this time in my life for the WORLD being home with Kaiya, there is an element of loss associated with quitting work AND moving away from your friends all in one swoop. My life is much more fulfilling working as a mom, but there are aspects of work and that atmosphere that I miss a lot. So, anyway, enough venting. But to all my wonderful friends, near and far, I miss you. A LOT! At least we can stay connected through blogging, right?!
And as to avoid a completely depressing post, I'll post some videos of my sunshine -- cause seeing her just always makes me feel a little better!
I just love how she tries so hard to find me, with her mouth so wide open, and how she jumps when I surprise her. I especially love the sound of her laugh!
And remember how I have mentioned that Kaiya skipped rolling over? Well, tonight out of the blue, she just started rolling all over the place! I guess she makes up her own mind when she wants to do something! We are laughing in this video because while she was working so hard to roll over, she let out a little steam from the back end. I think it gave her just the push she needed! Haa!
So, on I go, loving my old friends so much and looking forward to making new ones, hopefully real soon!
posted by Chris Grover at 12:17 AM
21 Comments:
I know what you are going through! Even though I only moved 12 minutes away it seems like a different continent. I feel lonely too. Women need friends, that's all there is to it. I love watching Kaiya roll. Luka just started that 3 days ago! It is so funny to watch how hard they work at it.
I totally know how you feel. The friends we made in one short year in Oregon came so much easier than the friendships we've made here after four years. It has just made me so much more grateful for those friendships, as I've realized how rare and special they really are. I hope you find some ways to get unstuck!
Yes, Kar, we are feeling very similar sadnesses. Like a pit in your stomach, and a constant grieving for something that is now the past.
2 things:
First a tiny bit of advice: It gets better. At least to me. The stay at home mom stuff gets better when another child comes, they get a little bigger, and life is full of more structure and *stuff* for them (friends, lessons, fights, movies, games, etc). There is nothing as precious as a baby and special and exhillerating to see Kaiya change and grow. But there is also a sense of unstructure that is hard to know what to do with. So my bottom line of advice is: it's temporary.
Second: I, like you, know there will be other friends and that life WILL go on. BUT nothing replaces the kind of connections you are missing, and the comfort that comes with friends who have been through so much with you. A million friends could come and go and not be as meaningful as the handful of soul-mate type friends. So I continue to grieve and cry. I've been doing it for months! And I keep wondering when it will stop!!
Will you please come visit me? I miss you.
i can relate! i wish i was there to hang out with you... i love and miss you!!
come visit us:)
I know what you mean about having friends. Living on the other side of the country from all my family, I don't know what I would do without the friends that I have. That is one reason the church is so great. The only friends I have outside of the church I met through my church friends. :) It is important that you get involved with other women.
Find out if anyone in your ward, or neighborhood, or whatever get together for a playgroup. Playgroups really are times for mommies to get together, even more than the kids getting together.
Go to the library. Even though I have been too shy to really make friends with people, there is always women there with kids the same age as mine. If they do a story time, even better!
I also do a book club. Even though I wouldn't consider myself a huge book club type person, its another excuse for us girls to get together and chat about something other than diapers. :)
I hope you can find some good friends soon.
I don't know exactly where you are at, but we are going to Utah at the end of the month, and I would love to meet up with you! Send me an email.
Love the movies!
Okay, this won't take away the sense of loss, but SCHOOL'S OUT!!! Want to play?
Tiffany
I have had the NEED for girlfriends (and not always finding it) throughout a lot of my married life, since we have moved SOOO many times! SO I understand in a huge way, as well.
I love you
ps check you email
pss...this ISN"T quinn (I think you probably know that, but just in case, it's your sis)
She is getting so big! I feel your pain. It's hard to leave old friends, but you are right, you will find new ones! Sometimes time doesn't go fast enough when we want it to and other times it goes too fast when we want it to slow down.
With more than a dozen moves under my belt, I have to echo the advice of Richelle. When I was a first time mom and had just moved, playgroups, bookclubs, library, RS (and demanding a VT route RIGHT away), are all things that helped tremendously. And be easy on yourself, you are completely validated, you have experienced some major losses lately, not working outside the home, your friends, your familiar environment, etc. I also think what Jamie said is right on as well, time heals. I found with each move, it takes a good 6 months to get used to the "climate" so to speak. Looking back, it seems like everything happened at the right time for me to learn what I needed to learn at that moment. Whether I needed to learn to turn inward and "upward" during loneliness, or friends would surrface right when I truly needed it and was ready. (not saying that is you, it's just what I experienced) It's easy to look back and see how it all fit together like parts of a puzzle to my character and life. You are a pretty amazing person, things will get better, you will be a better person and have even more "facets" to your life because of these hardships. Good luck Karli!
Blogging IS a wonderful outlet isn't it? :)
Kar... I've felt that loneliness you're describing since the night you guys told us you were moving, and we weren't even the ones moving! It sucks. We so look forward to seeing you whenever you come down, I hope you know that. Can't wait for the BIG weekend PARTY June 20th!! :)
By the way, you guys were heaven sent tonight... I don't think you know what a blessing it was to have you here, for several different reasons. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder, thank you Chris for doing a job that had become a huge burden for us, and thank you for being a part of yet another blessing in our home. I definitely feel it was no accident that you happened to be down here tonight. For sure a blessing among the craziness in our lives right now. It's ridiculous that I'm crying right now as I'm reminded of what great friends you both are to us. Thank you... We love you!
ps... We loved seeing sweet Kaiya too, could she be any sweeter, cuter, loveable??? :)
hey honey--I know the adjustment of being home after being in the workplace--I had a mini one every summer when school was out. The friend thing is definitely harder. I hope you will find friends in the ward. That too is a hard breakthough and sometimes takes time. Go and talk with Bishop Ross--he is soo understanding. love ya
I've lived in our new place almost 2 years and I STILL miss my girlfriends! Unfortunately, at this stage in our lives it happens so often, everyone is moving and growing and changing.
Hang in there, you just have to find a "new normal" because things are never exactly like they were someplace else, but many times they end up even better!
I went through the same thing when I moved to Utah! So far away from everything I was used to. I still miss some of my friends so much it hurts. You will establish yourself in your new place. It always seems to work itself out. I can relate a little to the missing you job thing too. Changing jobs has been hard for me. I miss working at Jamba and interacting with people all day. Now I just sit home at my computer and it bores me to death! But I know it is the right thing right now so that I can go back to school.
I found your blog through a friend. I know exactly how you feel I am going through that right now. I had play dates all the time and girls night out 2 times a month. I having been gone for a 1 1/2 and don't have a good friend yet. I know people, but not the same. Good luck and hopefully it will improve, but I hear ya:)
When I stopped working, I felt the same loneliness and remember going for a walk with baby in stroller, crying my eyes out for about 1.5 hours! It's a huge adjustment. I didn't even have a blogging outlet! Give yourself a break and know that it gets better. Good friends are hard to come by, but you are so darling - you'll find friends fast! Hang in there!
Yeah for Kaiya rolling over! She's a cutie.
As for the "bump," I totally know what you're going through. I've been in my ward for over a year and have yet to really connect with anyone. Sometimes it seems like women already have their "cliques" and are hesitant to let anybody else in.
It's hard to go from working outside the home to being a stay-at-home Mom. Even though I was excited to get out of the dramafied corporate world, being at home is really tough AND lonely at times.
Hang in there, girl. You have a magnetic personality that I'm sure you'll be making new friends in no time.
I am going to totally embarrass my self by saying this but it goes with what you are saying. I wanted to be your friend so bad growing up. You just have such a fun personality that everyone wants to have and it is real. People will see you and long to be your friend, in time it will come. (By the way, thank you for your friendship. I have many journal entries where I wrote about talking to you about problems or something and you always listened to me and gave me great advise. Thanks.)
Moving a quitting work is a lethal combination. I totally understand. Call me the next time you're in town: 812-0339
Yes, yes. You have put into words something I have definitely struggled with. Here is a blog-hug from me to you *squeeeeze*. I love you Karli!
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