My Mother's Day thoughts

I echo the many sentiments that I have heard and read today on the love we all feel for our mothers. It is a special day, to pay tribute to the special women in our lives who have impacted us in such important ways.

First, I would be ungrateful if I didn't try to express the INEXPRESSABLE love that I feel for my own mother. She is the strongest, most positive, optimistic person I know. She makes lemonade out of lemons and happily adapts and makes do in ANY situation she is faced with. She doesn't just endure life, she ENJOYS life and has a way of spreading her happiness to all those she comes in contact with. The fact that she has figured out how to make tacos and chicken cordon bleu all the way over in India and that she found a way to make homemade pies in China shows the kind of determination she has to make life happy wherever she is. I have watched her in how she loves her children, how she ADORES her grandchildren, and how she honors and supports my father and she has always given me the template on how to live my life. I miss her so much these days. I sometimes wish I could just go to lunch with her, or sit and talk and laugh, or watch her sing songs to Kaiya. But my own selfish feelings aside, I am sooo proud of her and the work she is doing in India. Each week is full of adventures and each week I am so touched to hear about the service she has provided to various people in many different ways. I could not have dreamed of a better woman to be my mother and I am so lucky to be her daugher. I love you so much, today and every day, mom. I also would feel very ungrateful if I didn't try to express the INEXPRESSABLE love that I have for Jessika. I thought about her so much today, and hoped that it was not a hard day for her. To me, she epitomizes the most perfect quality a mother could ever possess and that is selflessness. As a mother, she knew she was not ready to give Kaiya what she wanted Kaiya to have, and so she sacrificed all of her own heart-wrenching emotions to place Kaiya with us. She did that for Kaiya and she will always be my example of what it means to truly love your child. To love them enough that you would sacrifice all for their happiness. I love Jessika so much not just for what she has given us, not just for the amazing and beautiful person that she is inside and out, but because of how she showed a true mother's love for Kaiya in doing all that she has done for her. I love her because she loves Kaiya THAT much. And finally, I have to express some of my own personal feelings on this, my first Mother's Day. In all honesty, for me, today was not so much about having a "day off" to be spoiled. (Though, the breakfast in bed, the delicious dinner, the sweet gifts and flowers were just perfect, Chris, and I appreciate everything sooo much. And well, it would have been rude of me NOT to accept such kind gestures from my amazing honey, right?!) But what today was more for me, was this overwhelming feeling of complete gratitude and humility that I GET to be Kaiya's mom. I don't understand how I ever got so lucky. I will never feel deserving enough of this precious presence that has filled up my life. I will never feel completely adequate to fill such an important role in her life as being her mother. But I feel so priveleged that Heavenly Father has given me this blessing and this opportunity. As I was talking to my mom tonight on the phone, she said "well, I bet today feels a lot different than the past Mother's Days you have experienced". I thought about that and I remember back to the Mother's Day's that were so hard for me. That aching to have my own dreams of being a mother fulfilled. Trying to hide how difficult Mother's Day actually was for me. And my mom was right. Today feels polar opposite to those days. But I gently tread on these words I write because I remember clearly how those days felt and I feel so humbled to be in different shoes today. I know it is by no act of my own, but by the tender mercies and miracles of a loving Father who heard my countless prayers and who had a plan for my life all along, but needed me to be a little patient. And today I root so hard for those mothers (because they really are mothers) who are waiting and experiencing that aching. I get it. I know how it feels. And I can't help but believe that if it could happen to me, it can and will happen for you.

So, anyway, I guess today isn't so much about what I think I deserve for the hours I clock in being a mother or the number of diapers I change. It's sooo much more about how GRATEFUL I feel to be a mother...finally. How humbling it is to wear these "mommy" shoes. And how blessed I am that I have the most beautiful, sweet little face to look at and call my own. I feel sooo lucky to be called Mother today...finally. Happy Mother's Day to you all!

(And to Chris, thank you from the bottom of my heart for making this first Mother's Day so special for me. You always do so much to make me feel special, and I love you and appreciate how you love me.)